Choices

For several years, I have subscribed to a daily e-mail humor list called Mikey's Funnies. This service was the source of many of the thoughts of the day that I used to include on tests that I gave to my students. Each daily e-mail consists of a humorous or inspirational (or sometimes both) story. The following story is from a recent e-mail. The author of this particular one is Michael Halleen. 


I CHOOSE
By Michael Halleen

"I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'" (Psalm 91:2)

Mrs. S. had lived alone for many years and got out only with the help of a wheelchair. Every Sunday she wheeled herself into the side aisle of our sanctuary (one without handicap access) where she worshiped enthusiastically. She always seemed to be "up." People smiled when they were around her.

One evening Mrs. S. spoke to the youth of the church and was asked how she could always be so alive, so full of joy. She responded, "Because I *choose* to. I had no choice about living the last half of my life as a widow or having one of my sons killed in the Korean War. And I certainly I didn't choose to have to ride around in this chair for the past ten years. But one thing I did choose - to be happy. I decided to make the best of every day and to see the best in every person."

A friend who had been a missionary in South America told me of taking some American visitors through his city. One of them spotted a beautiful, large poinsettia tree in front of a small house as they passed by. The visitor wanted to take a picture and, not realizing that the plant was brittle, reached up to pull down a branch for the camera. A six-foot length of flame-red poinsettia snapped to the ground.

At that moment the woman of the house stepped out of the door and confronted the gringos standing there, poinsettia branch in hand. Humiliated, they offered to pay for her loss. But they could no more fix the personal damage than they could repair the tree. Still, instead of adding to their embarrassment, the woman cheerfully asked them in for tea. She chose to forgive them, to overlook their clumsy behavior. She chose to offer them grace.

Nothing is more crucial to the quality of our lives than the choices we make about how we approach the circumstances and relationships of each day. In the end it is that attitude which largely determines the outcomes we will find. The Lord made today, but it is we who decide how we will live in it. I *choose* God as my refuge . . . I *choose* to believe . . . I *choose* to find a way.

Life is all about choices, isn't it? No matter what happens to us, we get to choose how we react to it. We would not have chosen any of the trials that we have faced recently. We do get to choose to remain faithful. We get to choose to keep trusting. We get to choose not to give up. We do get to choose to hand over these worries to God. You chose to read this post. I hope that you are pleased with that choice.

In transplant journey news, Donor Candidate #3 travels out to Phoenix this week for testing and evaluation. Please pray that she and her husband have a good trip and for good results from the tests.

"Choose for yourselves today whom you will serve... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." - Joshua 24:15
 

Thank God for Copperheads

I am not a big fan of snakes, but a group of copperheads does hold a special place in my heart. They changed my life. They don't have any idea what they have done, and I don't think they really care. I appreciate them anyway.

These copperheads decided to go to a church camp in south Texas during the summer of 1986. I don't know what they wanted to get out of the experience, but I'm glad they went. I hope they had fun.

They had the camp all to themselves. A group of kids from San Antonio was supposed to go to that camp, but the camp was closed due to the snakes. Those kids had to go to another camp instead. This new camp was Camp Inspiration (also affectionately known as Camp Perspiration) in Eastland, TX. Eastland is known more for horned toads than snakes.

The group of kids from San Antonio were led by two young counselors. The young lady was the pastor's daughter. She had a heavy Tennessee accent. She could sing very well, and the camp director talked her into leading the worship at the camp. Oh yeah, she was very pretty as well.

She met and flirted with a counselor from a church in Dallas. They spent a lot of time together during the week of camp. After the camp was over, they wrote back and forth. He even went to visit her in San Antonio.

A couple of months later, she dumped him. It had happened to him before, so it was okay.

The young lady decided to go to college in Oklahoma City. The guy played on his church's softball team. Every Labor Day, they participated in a national tournament...in Oklahoma City. The tournament was sponsored by a local college...the one that the young lady attended. She decided to watch some of the games. They saw each other and spent some time together over the weekend.

Then, they didn't have any contact with each other...until the next Labor Day tournament...where they spent some time together...then there was no contact...until the next tournament.

This routine was getting a little old for both of them. She had dated just about everybody at the college. He had closure for his other failed relationships, but not for this one. Individually they had both decided that if they were to get together again, it might very well be for good this time.

They wrote letters to each other before the tournament. They wrote to each other after the tournament. She came down to the Dallas area to help celebrate his birthday. He made several weekend trips to Oklahoma. They talked about where the relationship might be headed. They prayed about it and decided that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

He proposed on a very cold December evening...on the bleachers of the softball field where they found each other again. She said yes, as he desperately hoped she would.

After that semester at college, she moved to Phoenix, Arizona. Her parents had moved there during the previous year due to her mom's health. Their wedding took place on a very hot August afternoon in Phoenix, kind of like the weather here in Texas lately.

They didn't realize it until later, but the wedding took place on the same day (August 11) that they met four years earlier.

Happy anniversary, Missy! I love you now more than ever.

Thank you, copperheads.

Myth Bustin'

Has anyone ever told you, "God won't give you more than you can handle"? That statement is often given as a word of encouragement when someone is facing a difficult situation. The intent is to let that person know that they can get through whatever it is that they are facing. The statement is sometimes prefaced with the phrase "as the Bible says" or some other similar statement.

The problem is that the statement is not found in the Bible. In fact, the statement isn't even true.

Part of 1 Corinthians 10:13 states that, "God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Two important points can be made here. The first is that God is not the source of the temptation although He does allow it to happen. The second point is that this verse refers to temptations. I think that circumstances are different.

In my experience, God often gives me (or allows me to have) more than I can handle. That frequency may be due in part to the fact that I can't handle much. Paul, the author of the 1 Corinthians verse, was also given more than he could handle.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." - 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

The key here is to rely on God's strength, not our own. We are easily overwhelmed on our own. When we rely on God's strength, we can endure much more than we could imagine...like the ups and downs of a liver transplant journey.

Thankfully, God's strength has been with is on each step of our journey. The last part of the 2 Corinthians passage shows the needs for the prayers of others. We have had many, many people praying for Missy during her journey. God has answered many of those prayers, and we have no doubt that He will continue to answer many more. We gave up "handling" our circumstances a long time ago. Now, we "hand them off" to the only One who can do anything about it.

It Ain't Over Till It's Over

It's easy to believe when it's easy to believe.

No, that's not another Yogi Berra quote. I came up with that one. Feel free to use it yourself.

Here is what I mean.

When things are going well for you...
When you love your high paying job...
When your kids grow up to be wonderful people...
When you have no health problems...
When you find $50 in an old wallet...
When a friend tells you that you have made a difference in his/her life...
When you find out you have made a difference in a stranger's life...
When all is right in your world, then it's easy to believe.

When you see God's hand all around you, then it's easy to believe.

What happens when things aren't going well for you?
What happens when your job isn't what you thought it would be?
What happens when your kids choose the wrong path?
What happens when you lose your health?
What happens when you face financial problems?
What happens when friends forsake you?
What happens when strangers attack you?
What happens when all is not right in your world?

When you don't see God's hand anywhere around you? Do you still believe?

It is easy to believe when you see God and His work. It is difficult to believe when you don't see God. It has been said that "seeing is believing", but I don't think that is really true. Believing is seeing. Faith is the "assurance of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1). Faith is believing even when our eyes don't see. Faith is believing when our feelings tell us otherwise.

In the latest part of our journey, it has not been easy to believe. There have been more times when God has been more difficult to see. It's not that He is hiding from us. It's not that we aren't looking for Him. It's just one of those times when our circumstances rise up and try to block God out. We haven't lost faith. We still believe. Our faith is getting stronger. We know that God is with us even when it takes a little more work to see Him.

A friend posted on Facebook today: "Don't try to please God with your feelings, but with faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God."

I have read that verse, Heb. 11:6, many times, but I had never thought about it that way. Our feelings come and go. I'm not sure that my feelings over the past few days have pleased God. I hope that my faith has. I hope that our faith has been evident in the most recent blogs. Our faith is in the One who always remains faithful, trustworthy, and true. It ain't over.

Transplant Journey FAQ

FAQ = Frequently Anticipated Questions

This post is a public service announcement that will hopefully answer most of your questions.

Q: How is Tim doing?
A: He is recovering well. He should be ready to travel home in a few days.

Q: When are you coming home?
A: We are planning on leaving Phoenix early Thursday morning.

Q: Will Tim still be the donor?
A: We don't know. His viability for being a donor will need to be re-evaluated.

Q: Do you have another donor?
A: Yes, we have some other people who have shown interest in being a donor.

Q: When will the transplant take place?
A: We have no idea. A new donor takes at least six to eight weeks from initial screening. Tim can be re-evaluated in about two months.

Q: How is Missy doing?
A: Physically, she is about the same. She still has issues with her energy level and retaining fluid. She puts up a pretty good front sometimes. Emotionally, she is drained. It was very tough being this close to having the transplant done.

Q: What is next?
A: I wish we knew. After we get back home, we will spend a lot of time with Joy. I will go back to work. Missy will make preparations for the coming school year. She will continue with her weekly infusion treatments. Baylor and Mayo will continue monitoring her progress.

Q: How long can Missy wait until having the transplant?
A: She needs the transplant as soon as possible. The effect on her liver is slow-acting at this point. Her MELD score is 15, a long way from receiving a deceased donor liver. The infusion treatments have slowed down the damage to her lungs. The effectiveness of those treatments could diminish at any time, and any further damage cannot be reversed.

Q: What can be done to help Missy?
A: Pray, pray, pray. Pray that Tim will heal completely from his surgery. Pray that another donor can be found if necessary. Pray that Missy can maintain her strength. Pray that finances can be found to pay for further donor screening and a return trip to Arizona.  Most of our insurance allotment and fundraising balance has been used for this trip. Pray that Missy will be able to work enough to maintain her insurance which is covering the transplant process. Pray for continued encouragement.

Q: How about those Rangers?
A: They are playing well right now, aren't they?

I'm Not Getting the Picture

Warning: yet another honest blog

I am at a loss for words. That's okay. I don't understand. That's okay. I don't like this one bit. That's okay. I am frustrated, disappointed, angry, helpless, discouraged, broken. That's okay.

The "bump in the road" was indeed more than a bump. It was a complete derailment. The transplant has been delayed at least two months. That is just a figure that the surgeon gave to Tim. We truly have no idea when the transplant might actually happen. We're not even sure who the donor will be. That's okay?

Okay or not, that's the way it is. God brought us through the initial disappointment of needing a liver transplant. God brought us through the hurt of my dismissal as a possible donor. God will bring us through the anguish of being so close but yet so far away.

We see only what is immediately visible to us. We don't see the big picture. Most of the time, we really don't want to see the big picture. We can't handle it. I might not know what I am asking for, but this time, I would like to see just a little more than what I currently do. I think it would be nice to have some idea where we are headed. I know that God sees the big picture, and that He has a wonderful plan for Missy. The problem is that in looking at the small glimpse that I have now, I don't see our path heading for that plan.

In case you didn't recognize the picture on the right, it is a closeup of Missy's eye. It was hard not to get her to blink when the camera was just a few inches from her eye. The picture on the left is Missy in all of her glory. My idea was to find a closeup picture of something in so much detail that you couldn't tell what the big picture was. I did a quick Internet search, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. I hope that these pictures demonstrate the point. The picture of Missy is better than anything the Internet has to offer.

I don't know why a better outcome isn't more readily available to us. Maybe as Jack Nicholson told Tom Cruise, I "can't handle the truth." I think I have used this reference before in an earlier blog, but the verse still applies.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24b

God, we really do trust You to work Your will in Missy's life. We believe that you will do a great work in her. Please help us to keep believing when we have doubts. Please keep her in Your hands, but we really would like some positive news, okay?

A Bump in the Road

Warning: what follows is another honest blog...

Several Mayo staff people told us that 70% of organ transplants have a "bump in the road".

Maybe we could be part of the 30%. If not, surely we could handle a "bump".

This wasn't a bump. It was more like a sinkhole...or a bridge that had gone out...or a concrete barricade with barbed wire on the top.

It isn't something that we can't get around or overcome eventually, but it really does seem unnecessary.

Missy was finally scheduled to have her liver transplant on July 15. Everything was set. Our pastor flew in the night before to be with Missy and Tim (and me and Kathy, too). Missy and Tim went through the pre-op procedures. Kathy and I waited. We saw Missy and Tim in their fancy, new hospital gowns. Spirits were high. They wheeled Tim off to the operating room. They wheeled Missy off to another room to wait until Tim's liver sliver (that's not the technical term for it) was ready. They took some more pictures of Tim to make sure everything was in place. He didn't mention anything about randomly moving organs around overnight. They started Tim's surgery. They inserted all types of tubes into Tim's body. They started the incision to access his liver. They moved everything else out of the way. Missy was ready to be wheeled into another operating room. They clamped the veins to Tim's liver.

Then came the bump in the road.

They noticed blood in Tim's catheter. There was not supposed to be blood in Tim's catheter. They stopped the surgery to see what was the matter. The catheter had irritated Tim's prostrate which was enlarged. They had done every imaginable type of test on Tim prior to the surgery. Well, every type except for checking his prostrate. A bleeding prostrate is not a good thing. It is especially not a good thing for someone about to lose part of his liver since the liver determines how blood will clot. They closed up the incision and asked for some specialists to check out the prostrate problem. Nothing unusual was found other than an enlarged and irritated prostrate.

That was the good news. It is also good that they found this problem for Tim. Without the surgery, we don't know when the enlarged prostrate would have been discovered. We are thankful for that and for the fact that Tim is recovering nicely.

The bad news is that the transplant has been delayed. It could be delayed a few weeks or a few months. We don't know until Tim is checked out by a urologist. At that time, Tim, his family, and the doctors will determine the next course of action. Please be praying for Tim and his family during this time.

Missy and I have been very discouraged to say the least. We didn't really expect everything to go perfectly. Okay, maybe we did, but we thought that any problems could be easily handled and overcome. We are in a waiting stage again. We have people praying from all over the country (and even foreign places like Africa and Oklahoma) for this transplant. Many have asked us, "When will the transplant take place?" We have no idea.

We were soooooo close. Friday was a very emotional day. It is difficult getting ready for an operation like this. It wears on your emotions. We don't like to wait. We like to be in control. We thought we were prepared to handle what would come with the transplant. In no way were we prepared to handle what would come with the bump in the road.

Honestly, I don't like that phrase at all. I stated in the beginning that this was going to be an honest blog. Proceed at your own risk. Our emotions are still in a state of flux at this point. I don't like that. We were ready to deal with the way things were working out. We deviated from the original course a long time ago. We saw God's hand in what was happening up until we hit the bump.

Missy reminded me of many of the hurdles that she has faced in her life. Her testimony is a whole other story that we really should publish some time. She has overcome abuse, her own adoption issues, moving from a small Tennessee town to a huge Texas city, marrying me, difficulties in bearing our own children, going through court hearings to be able to adopt Joy, the sickness of her mother causing her father to leave full-time ministry, the early death of her mother and father, and so many other situations, each one being its own full story. Everything seems to be a hurdle in her life. These have been the high hurdles, too.

Pastor Simmons sent us a copy of a devotional this morning. It spoke about Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac out of obedience to God. One of the main points was that out of supreme sacrifice comes supreme blessing. The last statement reads: "There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath."

My devotion this morning was titled "The Concept of Divine Control." It talked about trusting in God to completely control every part of our lives, even when we don't understand.

I have no doubt that God has a sense of humor.

Our reactions to this setback are natural and human. We don't like what has happened. We don't like it at all. We don't understand it. Guess what...we don't have to like it...we don't have to understand it. God is working through us on this. It is taking some time. That is okay. Our faith and trust in God are still strong. Really, what else are we going to do?

God is still in control. He wasn't surprised by what happened. He has a great plan in mind for both Missy and Tim. We are still trusting that God's will is going to happen in our lives. We have no idea why He chose to work the way He did, but He sees the big picture. We don't. He is God, and we are not. Some good is going to come out of all this that we will never see this side of heaven. Although, God, a glimpse would be nice (hint, hint). At any rate, we will keep following God, wherever He may lead us. We haven't given up faith and trust in Him. We won't. We can't.

Congratulations if you made it all the way through this very long post. Stay tuned to see where we are headed next. If you find out before we do, please let us know.