I'm Not Getting the Picture

Warning: yet another honest blog

I am at a loss for words. That's okay. I don't understand. That's okay. I don't like this one bit. That's okay. I am frustrated, disappointed, angry, helpless, discouraged, broken. That's okay.

The "bump in the road" was indeed more than a bump. It was a complete derailment. The transplant has been delayed at least two months. That is just a figure that the surgeon gave to Tim. We truly have no idea when the transplant might actually happen. We're not even sure who the donor will be. That's okay?

Okay or not, that's the way it is. God brought us through the initial disappointment of needing a liver transplant. God brought us through the hurt of my dismissal as a possible donor. God will bring us through the anguish of being so close but yet so far away.

We see only what is immediately visible to us. We don't see the big picture. Most of the time, we really don't want to see the big picture. We can't handle it. I might not know what I am asking for, but this time, I would like to see just a little more than what I currently do. I think it would be nice to have some idea where we are headed. I know that God sees the big picture, and that He has a wonderful plan for Missy. The problem is that in looking at the small glimpse that I have now, I don't see our path heading for that plan.

In case you didn't recognize the picture on the right, it is a closeup of Missy's eye. It was hard not to get her to blink when the camera was just a few inches from her eye. The picture on the left is Missy in all of her glory. My idea was to find a closeup picture of something in so much detail that you couldn't tell what the big picture was. I did a quick Internet search, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. I hope that these pictures demonstrate the point. The picture of Missy is better than anything the Internet has to offer.

I don't know why a better outcome isn't more readily available to us. Maybe as Jack Nicholson told Tom Cruise, I "can't handle the truth." I think I have used this reference before in an earlier blog, but the verse still applies.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24b

God, we really do trust You to work Your will in Missy's life. We believe that you will do a great work in her. Please help us to keep believing when we have doubts. Please keep her in Your hands, but we really would like some positive news, okay?